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This is my story...

Saturday, June 28, 2014 / , , ,

MynameisQUE;



I watched a couple of videos today about other plus sized girls who struggled with their weight. I thought it would be nice to share with you about my story. I've always struggled with my weight ever since I was young. To put it bluntly, I've been fat all my life. I've been through so much fatshaming ever since I was 7, so I guess over time, I've just grown immune to what people say about me stronger. 

I tried dieting a couple of times as I was growing up, but I'll be real...
I love food too much to even bother starving myself. Unlike other #fatgirlstories, being fat isn't the cause of some pill to gain weight or some other illness. I've never had any eating disorders and have never tried any diet pills/meal replacement products. 

 Fortunately for me, I've always met very nice people who end up being very good friends of mine. Whenever I face fatshaming in school, I normally don't tell my parents about it. When I was 15, I hit the peak of my fatshaming frustrations. I remember going home, hiding myself in my room and breaking down. I was heartbroken to learn that there are people out there who are determined to make you feel that your self worth is entirely dependent on your physical appearances. I look at the social media accounts of these people who made my teenage life horrible and they don't seem to be doing very well in life. Bitch, that's karma for you. Always remember this, people who have/are fatshaming you, they just need to say something mean just to feel better about themselves. It's quite pathetic, really. 

When it comes to boys, of course I've had my fair share of heartbreaks. Being fat was never the main issue of a failed relationship because ultimately there are other factors that affect a relationship. When it comes to dating, some guys prefer thicker girls and some don't. That's quite normal. Just like how you prefer your man to be of a certain *insert criteria*. Back in secondary school, I had to tolerate all the stares, the whispering, of people who saw me out with my then boyfriend. I don't get it. Are fat people not worthy of loving and being loved? Nonsense. I got through those days anyway. 




I grew up learning to fend for myself against the bullies. I guess my mindset is simple, if I don't stand up for myself, nobody else will. If I don't love my body, nobody else will. So it's really easy- it starts with me. 

How I gained my confidence over the years? 

I guess I was always born a rebel because I was always looking for ways to defy the norms of life. Ever since I was 8, I was always looking for opportunities for me to perform on stage. I guess the root of my some of my fatshaming encounters was because of this. I guess these people just didn't get how a fat girl like me can be so confident to do things that they probably don't have the guts to do. 



In primary school, I was always taking part in the lunchtime concerts. I played the piano, sang on stage - I then joined the choir and drama club where it gave me more opportunities to be on stage. In secondary school, I joined the Enhanced Music Programme class which also gave me the opportunity to sing solo on stage. I was also got into the finals of my school's "idol" competition. (Think Singapore Idol, American Idol etc. After awhile I realised singing wasn't really my talent, I tried emceeing and hosting of events during my poly years.  I hosted the Singapore Polytechnic Open House, Orientation Day, Graduation and many more. Thank you SP for the opportunities! 



I took up every single chance I could to stand in front of an audience because it was an opportunity for me to boost my confidence. Of course, having stage fright is normal but after awhile, but I got used to it. My next aim is to find public speaking opportunities for myself. Or even hosting/emceeing of events. If you know of anyone who would need such a service, do drop me at email at rynaque@gmail.com You know, I have this secret (I guess not so secret now la) dream of being a TV host. Or even try theatre acting! But that's another  crazy dream to pursue. 

That being said, I'm not telling you to perform in public just to boost your confidence. I'm telling you to never let your body size or shape hinder you from doing whatever you love. I'm also asking you to speak up for yourself. If someone says something mean to you, call him/her out for doing so. Do not just wallow in self pity and not do anything to make yourself feel better. 

The teasing has fortunately stopped ever since I joined poly. Thank god for nice coursemates! Just over the years, I receive more and more nasty comments online. Wait, on the other side of the spectrum, I've also been receiving so much positive encouragements from everyone. Thank you for making a difference in my life. 

I was just talking to a blogshop owner the other day. We were talking about how local plus size girls really should put in the effort to dress up a little more instead of hiding behind loose black coloured shirts.... leggings.... There's so many more pretty clothes to wear! You guys are missing out so much! I really hope that I do inspire you to feel good about yourself. Take a little step everyday to do something nice for yourself. If you need to go naked, look at yourself in the mirror and admire your own body, do it. Learn to grow comfortable in your own skin. It's the only skin you'll ever be in! It takes time. Confidence doesn't come naturally.... Not even for me. 

My Fat Rule Breaking Mission 

You know those stupid fashion rules people make? Fat girls shouldn't wear.... 

1. Horizontal stripes - Haven't tried this, but I sure will some day.
2. Bright colours - I love colours! Lifts your mood any day, trust me! 
3.  Tight clothes - like bodycon dresses - Still wear it anyway. Like how my booty looks in it.
4. Bikinis/swimwear - Fat isn't a bikini body? Who says?! That's another posting for another day! 

These are all rules created by these "fashion people". I do agree that there are some types of clothes that I feel looks less flattering on me but that's for me to decide. Not you! Who made you fashion god suddenly? Besides, at the end of the day it boils down to whether you are able to carry the look you created well. 

What are some names people have called me? 

"Gemuk Gedempol"

"Fatty Bom Bom" 

"Rolie Polie Olie" 
I don't even get this insult. This cartoon character seems pretty cute to me. 


What are some of the things people say about me? 

"You shouldn't be so overconfident because you are fat. Please look at yourself in the mirror." 

I look at myself in the mirror everyday! Okay, you're right. I'm fat. That doesn't mean that I should hang my head in shame everyday. That doesn't mean that I cannot dress up and be allowed to feel good about myself. I'm sorry, but who made you god? Anybody can have style. Whether you are fat or thin! Style beyond size, always! 


"You're pretty... but you should lose some weight. Don't you wanna do something about my weight?"
That's very insincere of you. Thank you very much. If you think I'm pretty, means I'm pretty la fullstop. It has come to a point in my life that I just like my body the way it is. Sure, losing weight wouldn't hurt but I've grown to like my love handles, my booty, my entire body. Sure, you may think that it's not your ideal body size but if I'm happy the way I am, can you explain to me why you are so concerned?

I'm almost gonna end this rant... but before I go...  if you're going to leave a nasty self righteous comment here's what I've got to say to you. 

I know how it feels to be terribly hurt by the words of others. I know how it used to affect my self confidence greatly but I've grown stronger and tougher. Spare a thought for the other young girls who are reading this blogpost. Are you going to make them feel worse about themselves? I've seen and met so many people with low confidence. I feel that if they are able to feel better about themselves, they probably would be able to achieve so many more things in life... Think about it. 


Xo, 
Que 
Your Singapore Plus Size Blogger 
CurvyMe said...

You rock the world.. We need more Asian plus size to Stand Up and tell the world, Big is Beautiful. Build up that self confidence .. look at mirror and tell yourself i am beautiful. As long your health does not cross your daily life, just be yourself. Eat healthy food, Say No to Starvation.. we dont need to be Boneless size Zero... ;)

Anonymous said...

I completely agree with this entire post! Great job, dear (:

Anonymous said...

I am proud of you... I can only imagine what you had gone through.
But hey.. you are beautiful person and well done...
Whatever you do, be happy and be proud and take good care and be good to yourself... Everything else will be in its place. God Bless you! :)

Dianna

RynaQUE said...

Thank you @Curvyme, @Anonymous, @Dianna. Power to you girls!

Faidah Ali said...

Hey que,im blown away with ur words.couldnt agree with you more on the fashion rules.i just believed that if a person are confident with what they are wearing and it makes them feels good .....hell yeah it will look good on them and other people too.dont worry im myself a plus size just like you.stay beautiful as always que

workingwithgrace said...

Bravo! I applaud your courage, confidence and conviction.

People will never think we are of the perfect size, whether we are thin or not, so who cares what people think?

Bullies could themselves have been hurt by others before, and choose to "pass it on" because they don't know how to deal with it.

I'm glad you have grown stronger through this process. It'll always hurt, but we can learn to forgive people who bully us for whatever reason. :) ~Your New Blog Reader, Grace

Afiqah Zainudin said...

I really admire your confidence! and truth be told, you are beautiful in every way!

ShaZziE said...

I cannot accept that someone told u that u can't be overconfident coz u are fat. What a nerve wrenching statement. I've always admired plus sized people with extra confidence. Some are arrogant though coz they built a wall to protect themselves against bullies. Love this post!

Anonymous said...

Proud of you!! Always so weird how some people like to force their opinions on others lol. Keep on being your beautiful self girl! :-)

Kavi said...

YOU ROCK GIRL. I am overweight and I am afraid my friends will laugh at me but reading this makes me believe that weight is just a number. Thanks. :-)